I'm so tired of trying and never winning. I'm SO TIRED of trying really hard to get an A or to do something right or not to lose something or ANYTHING and then having it blow the fuck up in my face. I am SO stressed. not only that, but cantor's pissed at me because i'm trying to do school work. well, mr. all i have to fucking do all day is be fucking jewish, i have a BIT MORE FUCKING STUFF IN MY FUCKING LIFE. like IB for example, which i am THIS CLOSE to dropping. i can't do all the shit i have to do and be able to make EVERYTHING for temple. i told him LAST TIME i wouldn't be able to make shoppers night. so i tried to make time to do it. then my fuck-face fucktard spanish teacher decided that, because i accidentially only did the first part B of the test, i couldn't fix it. and i failed. it was not my fucking fault. so now i'm grounded from going ANYWHERE unless all my homework is done. and today, at 4, my homework would not have been done. i can't get home before 3:30 because school so damn far away. what the fuck does he expect me to do? i can't do anything more that's for sure. and let me reiterate this--
I WILL CHOOSE FUCKING SCHOOL OVER TEMPLE EVERY FUCKING TIME BECAUSE GETTING MY EDUCATION IS NOT SOMETHING GOD'S GOING TO HATE ME FOR. OH DARN. so, on rosh hashannah next year when i go to school, he better not talk to me. better not say a word.
how DARE he think that i'm avoiding temple. i try my best to get everything done for school and temple. i just can't sometimes. and i sacrifice temple. it's always going to happen.
damn it. fuck fuck fuck fuck. i'm so close. just one more thing and i'll be gone. i'm not gordon or renan who can do this shit fast and efficiently. i'm me. i don't like to do homework or projects. i like to learn in school, and hour of homework's all i can do efficiently and then i get tired of it and just want to stop. then i stop learning and start hating.
i'm SO stressed. i've been crying all fucking day. and i'm way to fucking pissed to care that cantor's being a selfish ass and my spanish teacher is the fucking hitler reincarnate.
did i mention my father thinks i'm depressed? i'll post on that later